Silly songs with Willers
by Rowana Renee
Summary: In this, songs from Veggie Tales are adapted to fit Ranger's Apprentice, feel free to make requests! :
1. Will loves Alyss

And now it's time for silly songs with Willers, the part of the book where Will comes and sings a silly song.

Our page turns as Will is telling dr. Greybeard Halt about his deepest fears.

"If I ever were to shut my mouth,  
Stop talking while we're headed South,  
That'd be too bad. I'd be so sad..."

Halt raised an eyebrow. "Will, it's been comfirmed that you, my boy, have serious problems...But really, it wouldn't be that bad. In fact, I'd be less likely to get mad."

Will sighed and continued, in a somewhat OCD one-track minded sort of way. "That'd be too bad..."

Halt shrugged. "Alrighty."

Will looked like he was about to cry, but went on. "And if old Tug said adios, I don't like you, I think you're gross, that'd be too bad...I might get mad..."

Halt frowned. "Like that's ever going to happen. But fascinating, nonetheless."

Will nodded. "That'd be too bad..."

He took a moment to wail in terror until Halt told him to shut up and get to the point, at which time he glared daggers before going on to explain a worse fear. "If Crowley sent me to Duluth, yelled at me and called me 'sleuth' that'd be too bad, I'd go see my dad..."

Halt gaped. "Oh no, that'd be too bad, you'd go see your dad?"

Will sullenly agreed. "That'd be too bad."

Halt held up a hand for silence. "Hold it. Did you say your father? But Will, I am your father!"

Will shook his head. "Noooooooooo!"

Halt rolled his eyes. "To the fangirls anyway...So what you're saying is that if you ever had to be quiet, or if Tug turned against you or Crowley insulted you-"

Will shrugged. "That'd be too bad, I'd be sad, I might get mad, that'd be too bad, I'd go see my dad."

Halt frowned slightly. "Will, your father's dead."

Will nodded. "Exactly."

Halt paused in his writing, and he was indeed writing everything that got said, and looked at Will curiously. "That'd be too bad?"

Will nodded several times. "That'd be too bad."

Halt raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Will slumped back into the chair. "Because I love Alyss!"

Halts' eyes actually widened in shock. "Oh no...this is more serious then I thought!" he held up a card with an odd picture on it, "What does this look like to you?"

Will scowled. "Um...it's Alyss..."

Halt frowned and showed another card. "And this one?"

"Alyss."

Now Halt was flipping the cards as fast as he could while Will said what he thought was on them.

"It's Alyss, it's Alyss, it's Alyss, Alyss, Alyss!  
It's Alyss, it's Alyss, it's Alyss, Alyss, Alyss!  
It's Alyss, It's Alyss, it's Alyss, Alyss, Alyss!  
It's Alyss, it's Alyss, Alyss, Alyss!"

Halt sighed. "Will, tell me about your apprenticeship."

Will winced and began. "When was just fifteen years old, I was kidnapped and left out in the cold and I turned blue. What could I do?"

Halt growled. "Apparently you could get hooked on warmweed...You turned blue? What could you do?"

Will nodded. "Oh, I turned blue."

Halt was starting to get annoyed. "I see."

Will went on to describe another Skandian event. "And on the day that the boar got loose, tried to kill me and Horace too, I hugged you. But you've got a beard and it felt weird..."

Halt was aghast. "My beard is not weird, you little Scanger! You want a weird beard, then go visit Erak, then you'll not only feel weird, but you'll feel fear as well, and how weird will that be, huh? You're a horrible judge of beards..."

Will shrugged. "It felt weird."

Halt snarled and started writing like mad.

Will, looking even more upset, started again. "And then, at Macindaw, when I was Eight-"

Halt inturupred. "You were older than eighteen, Will."

Will shrugged. "Whatever. I got stuck in Kerens' gate, and Alyss laughed."

Halt raised an eyebrow, but Will went on anyway.

"Until Horace came and broke the lock with a crowbar and I had to spend the next six weeks in re-hab with this kid named Trobar who got stung by a bee right on the nose and we couldn't even talk to each other until the fifth week because we were both so tired and when we finally could talk to each other he could only speak Galicitalispanirish and I only know three words in Galicitalispanirish except now I know four because he taught me word for dog, Usta."

Halt paused his writing. "Alyss laughed? Usta? How do you spell that?"

Will shrugged. "I don't know."

Halt nodded knowingly. "So you're saying that, while you've been my apprentice, and shortly after-"

Will took a deep breath and spoke. "I turned blue, what could I do, you have a beard and it feels weird, and Alyss laughed. Usta."

Halt frowned. "I'm confused."

Will suddenly jumped up. "I love Alyss!"

Halt, noting that Will was jumping up and down, tried to calm him. "Uh, Will? Will? Wait, Will! Will! That's about enough now, thank you!"

This has been silly songs with Willers. Turn the page next time when we read Willers say,

"Hey Halt, did I ever tell you how I feel about snow?"

Halt groaned. "Oh my, look at the time!"


	2. The vikings that don't do anything

Once again it's time for silly songs with Willers, except that this time it's actually silly songs with the Skandians. This is the part of the book where the Skandians come and sing a silly song.

Will tugged gently at Eraks' sleeve, wanting to ask him a question. "Hey Erak, can you do something for me?"

Eraks' head shot up. "Arr?"

Svengal apparently wanted to second the motion. "Arr?"

Erak nodded with vigour. "Arr!"

Will frowned. "Um...Erak?"

Erak suddenly started dancing around the deck with Svengal and Gundar, while singing! Now, there are several torture methods used in Skandian prisons, but the most painful and most feared is having to listen to them sing.

"We are the vikings who don't do anything! We just steal things, and drink much ail! And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you, we don't do anything!"

Erak, ignoring the fact that Will was cowering behind Evanlyn, went on in a solo. "Well I've never been to Redmont and I've never been to Norgate, and I've never seen a ranger that could not shoot at all! And I've never been to Meric and I've never been to Teutland, and I've never been to Seacliff in the Fall!"

Will nearly fell over, but instead started trying to get to the door that led below deck, making sure that Evanlyn was in front of him to protect him from the rabid beasts that were the Skandians.

Erak, Svengal, and Gundar had started dancing around the deck again, singing as loudly as they could.

"We are the vikings who don't do anything! We just bash heads, and run down hills! And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you, we don't do anything!"

Will finally reached the door, but was blocked as Svengal got in the way. Now here was a scary sight; Svengal with his head thrown back, singing a chorus fit for the devil himself!

"Oh I've never had potatoes, and I've drunk Halts' whiskey, and never met a ranger over four feet tall!"

Will glared at him. "That's not fair!" he screamed before Svengal continued.

"And I've never worn an apron and I'm really bad at cooking, and I've never been to Seacliff in the fall!"

Will made a small squeaking noise and backed away, bumping into one of the other singing Skandians.

Gundar, Svengal, and Erak joined hands and danced in a circle around the deck, sounding almost like they were in pain.

"We are the vikings who don't do anything! We just yell lots, and raid or plunder! And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you, we don't do anything!"

Now Will was just plain ill, but luckily for him, Gundar was the last Skandian who felt sharing any song with him and Evanlyn.

"Oh I've never danced to bagpipes and I've never been unnoticed, and I've never killed a boar, no never once at all! And I've never kissed a fish for luck and I've never owned a puppy and I've never been to Seacliff in the fall!"

MeL suddenly popped up to make everything worse. "Who be this band, Reliant K, and why they be so full of contridictions?"

Will screamed like a girl and dove behind Erak. "No! It's her, it's her! Don't let her get me!"

MeL giggled uncontrolably. "Oh I really love the rangers and Willers is my guy, and I've read the whole big series, no really, not quite all. And I've memorized the lines and Will is still my guy and I've never been to Seacliff in the fall!"

With that she waved in a girlish fashion to Will before tackle glomping him in a bear-hug and vanishing in a puff of smoke while cackling to herself.

Erak, Gundar, and Svengal each blinked a couple of times, realzing that moment that all of their names had two sylables and that was a little strange, before shrugging and dancing again.

"We are the vikings who don't do anything! We wear horned hats and have warmweed! And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you-"

Erak turned to the screen and winked. "We don't do anything."

Will took that moment to scream as loudly as he could.

Erak coughed a couple of times. "Uh...it never happened..." he muttered, going back to steering the ship.

Will and Evanlyn noticed that, when the Skandians weren't paying attention, the ship had turned back toward Araluen. Each having the same idea, they started begging the Skandians to start singing again.

Erak then noticed that the ship was headed for Arauen, at which point he glared like a maniac and turned back toward Hallasholm.

Will kicked a piece of rope on the deck.

"Not fair-" he began

Erak suddenly puffed up with pride. "For my hairbrush!" he finished before snarling. "It never happened!"

This has been silly songs with Willers, which in this chapter was called silly songs with the Skandians. Turn the page next time to read as Will expresses his love for- oh dang...we're out of time..^?^


	3. Dance of the what?

And now it's time for silly songs with Will and Horace, the part of the book where Will and Horace come and sing a silly song.

The page turns, revealing the fact that Will is going to sing the traditional Gallic ballad, the dance of the Tarallak*. Since no one knows much Gallic for certain and the man who taught the language to Will was actually Australian, he might have to improvise with a little Spanish, but that's okay because we don't know what he's saying anyway.

Will, who was wondering why he was on a stage with Horace, coughed a few times and began, for unknown reasons, to sing.

"Um...Assist ao range."

Horace shot him a sideways look before translating. "Eh...watch the ranger...?" he said

Will sighed deeply and continued. "Vexa como el se move."

Horace raised an eyebrow and translated once more. "See how he moves?"

Indeed Will was gliding about the stage, disappearing on and off as his cloak made him blend in with the forest background that had been painted onto the wall. He seemed to be fairly rhythmatic and...oh valer...was he seriously _dancing_? Oh em goodness, he _was_! Basts' whiskers, Gorlogs' fangs and beard, Gogs' knowns and Hornets' nest! What is he _thinking_?

He, looking as if he were saying something very deep and meaningful, continued. "El é como un lobo,"

Horace sighed, shook his head, and repeated in Araluen. "He is like a wolf,"

Will, who had closed his eyes because of the deep dark deepness of his previous sentence, opened his eyes and paused, looking around for no apparent reason, before vanishing again. "Arecho un porco-espiño."

Horace nearly died laughing until some unpleasent things were tossed onto the stage, at which point he translated the sentence. "Stalking..." here he had another fit of giggles, "Stalking a porcupine!"

Will rolled his eyes and went on. "Assist ao range."

"Watch the ranger."

Will flashed a grin before disappearing again. "Oh no, bo el se move,"

Horace raised both eyebrows to the heavens before rolling his eyes. "Oh, how smoothly he moves!" he translated scathingly.

Will stuck out his tongue at Horace for a moment before continuing. "Como el petróleo."

Horace frowned, not sure where this was going. "Like the oil..."

Will, vanishing again, grinned stupidly, yet admittedly adorably. "No océano."

Horace gaped. "In the...uh...the oil on a fish!"

Will glared and shook his head, but went on anyway. "Olle para o range."

Horace shot him another 'I am sooooo warning you' look and translated. "Look at the ranger."

Someone in the audiance who sounded like a grouchy old man suddenly screamed. "I am lookin' at 'em, you idiot! I'm lookin' at 'em act like a complete fool"

Horace rolled his eyes, picked up a potatoe, and threw it into the audiance. This action was followed by a stream of Hibernian from the man who had yelled...

Will, oblivious, went on. "Todas as enfermarias,"

"All of the wards,"

Will sighed, looking like he was about to cry. "Envexa du seu amigo..."

Horace gave him a disbelieving look. "Envy their friend?"

Will nodded. "Especialmente Horacio..."

Horace glared. "Especially Horace?"

Will nodded and quickly got out of reach. "Eles queren ser tan impresionante coma el."

Horace started trying to catch up with him. "They wish they were as awesome as he?"

Will dodged around Horace, still looking perfectly calm. "Danza garda-forestal, Danza garda-forestal, Danza garda-forestal."

Horace paused, contemplating what Will had just said. "Dancing ranger, dancing ranger, dancing ranger."

Will smirked and went on. "Danza, danza, danza."

"Dance, dance, dance."

Will flashed another massive grin. "Olle Horace."

Horace paused in his attempts to catch Will. "Look at Horace?"

Will smiled and went on. "Nonne é triste?"

"Isn't it sad?"

"El quere que podería disparar,"

Horace glared fit to melt the hinges of Hades. "He wishes he could shoot."

Will nodded sadly and continued his lament. "Ou facer calquera cousa, para que o asunto ..."

Horace growled low in his throat. "Or do anything, for that matter..."

"Como o range."

"Like the ranger."

Will yelped as Horace tried to tackle him, but thankfully was able to get out of the way in time. "Despois, a range ten tantas cousas suceder con el. Como todos os fans, ademais do feito de que é realmente bonito, emparelhar co seu manto impresionante e os puñais mal del. E recibe un cabalo fresco que pode facer calquera cousa e podería moi ben ser máxico, así, en xeral, é un cara moitas maneiras!*"

Horace sighed and shook his head. "After all, the ranger has so many things going for him. Like all of the fans, plus the fact that he's really cute, paired with his awesome cloak and those wicked daggers of his. And he gets a cool horse that can do anything and might as well be magic, so in general he's a pretty awesome dude!"

Will smiled and went on. "Pero Horace...Horace non pode disparar, ou facer calquera cousa..."

Horace translated slowly. "But Horace...Horace can't...hey wait! What do you mean I can't shoot? That's just rude! I learned from my great aunt Salakabara to shoot!"

Will raised an eyebrow. "Mentireiro, moi?"

Horace gaped. "I am not a liar!"

Will shrugged. "No comprende."

Horace rolled up his sleeves. "No comprende? I'll show you no comprende!"

Suddenly a fangirl came running onto the stage. "Mom! Mom! Please get a picture of me next to Willers in the authentic Gallic garb!"

Another person, a little taller, sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. But we'd better hurry. I think the Wargals have your father confused with Morgarath...say 'Warmweed!"

Will, trying to pull away from the fangirl who was hugging him so hard his head was about to pop off, sighed and muttered, "Warmweed..."

Then the fangirl and her mother ventured off, thankfully for Willers.

Then Will went back to singing. "Escoita a range."

Horace, still glaring, complied. "Listen to the ranger."

"Que, nunca fai."

"Which, you never do..."

Will beamed and went on. "E vai ser sabio, como range."

Horace wanted to kill him. "And you'll be wise like the ranger."

Will took a deep breath and went on. "Pero duvido que vai ocorrer, porque a súa cabeza está chea de rochas, quere ou completamente baleiro a maior parte do tempo e nunca aprende dos seus propios erros, polo que teño de aprender con vós, pero sempre que eu sinto moito por vostede ea súa falta de capacidade de disparar aínda vou ser seu amigo, porque ao final eu son tan bo alí." when he finally paused to take a breath Horace pounced on him.

"You little freak! Stop insulting me already! Come here and I'll sing _you _a song!"

Will screamed and started running away. "Horace is really angry! I sure hope he doesn't catch me! It's really hard to run with this ranger cloak!"

This has been silly songs with Will and Horace, join us next time to...oh wait, the *point means that I are supposed to tell you that that word litterally means "Idiot" so this is called "Dance of the Idiot" yay. Anyway, this has been silly songs with Will and Horace. Join us next time to read someone say...

"Warmweed is so nice!"


End file.
